That summary; you cheeky chappie you!
Well I like it, I like it a lot. The prose is, as expected, excellent. Some great descriptions of the scene to set the (appropriately dank) mood, but itÂ’s taut and to the point at the same time. No flummery here, no sir. A childÂ’s rebellion against their tyrannical parent is a well-worn tale, but tales get repeated for a reason; this one cans always stand another outing, and certainly justified it here.
Kyle reads more as a symbol than a character, and IÂ’m not sure if thatÂ’s a criticism or no, depends on what you intended; I do think maybe another line here and there building him up his motivations before John attempts to knock him down might have been worth it. To paraphrase for a PG, they screw you up, your mum and dad, and youÂ’ve put that over, but most interesting can be why they screw you up.
But then the storyÂ’s strengthÂ’s lie in its directness and brevity (by which I donÂ’t mean I was glad it finished quickly!), so itÂ’s a hard balance to get, and youÂ’ve balanced it pretty damn well. Most importantly, the extent of JohnÂ’s oppression, physical and psychological, comes out starkly, and this can but feed the denouement.
Which, as I said the other night, is a flipping good twist.
Well I like it, I like it a lot. The prose is, as expected, excellent. Some great descriptions of the scene to set the (appropriately dank) mood, but itÂ’s taut and to the point at the same time. No flummery here, no sir. A childÂ’s rebellion against their tyrannical parent is a well-worn tale, but tales get repeated for a reason; this one cans always stand another outing, and certainly justified it here.
Kyle reads more as a symbol than a character, and IÂ’m not sure if thatÂ’s a criticism or no, depends on what you intended; I do think maybe another line here and there building him up his motivations before John attempts to knock him down might have been worth it. To paraphrase for a PG, they screw you up, your mum and dad, and youÂ’ve put that over, but most interesting can be why they screw you up.
But then the storyÂ’s strengthÂ’s lie in its directness and brevity (by which I donÂ’t mean I was glad it finished quickly!), so itÂ’s a hard balance to get, and youÂ’ve balanced it pretty damn well. Most importantly, the extent of JohnÂ’s oppression, physical and psychological, comes out starkly, and this can but feed the denouement.
Which, as I said the other night, is a flipping good twist.