Please be on your guard against the following viruses....

The Manchester United Virus ... This is where your PC thinks its far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 1993.

The David Beckham Virus ... This affects newer PC's mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.

The Roy Keane Virus ... This one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows ...

The Alex Ferguson Virus ... The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower (depending on how your day has been), than all the other computers in the building.

The Fabien Barthez Virus .... This one's not particularly harmful - but you just can't save anything.

The Neville Bros. Virus ..... Just when you think things can't get any worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.

The Ryan Giggs Virus ... The computer develops a processor problem, whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic fluctuation in performance.

The Luke Chadwick Virus .... This is a particularly ugly one.

The Manchester United Shirt Virus... This one is especially hard to detect as it changes it's format every 3 months