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by White Hart
(quotes)

As for being unintelligent, if you really *were* then I don't think you'd be able to post the things you do - that really isn't the posting of a stupid person.

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Yeah, just remember, depression is far more likely if you're intelligent or at least that's what my doctor, psychologist and psychiatrist say and that's what I've found from talking to people who are depressed - they're all very intelligent in certain ways (I'd be the exception, but I'm not exactly thick).

Just wanted to back what Funky Monkey said. Some people find themselves in a rut and it is due to chemical imbalances. For these medication is the best bet, although again as Funky Monkey said, the science isn't quite there yet. Sometimes it's a case of sledgehammer and peanut.

But a lot of people are in bad places because of events (either current or past) that put them there. And no amount of medication can put that right. The only answer is to face the source of the problem and deal with it.

Although, as White Hart said, sometimes a short term boost can lift you enough to help you deal with what put you there in the first place.

I've known people for whom anti-depressants were essential. I've also seen some people get very messed up on them. There's no simple answer. Best thing I can suggest is that (as you already are) you take them and see how it goes. If you feel good in yourself, and people you trust seem confident you are ok on them, then you should be in the clear. But bear in mind that sometimes you can't see the impact they have on you, and friends can be scared of saying anything. So it's always worth checking in with close friends for an honest reaction to how you seem on them.

And you've already said you're seeing a councillor, so I'm guessing you've to some degree already identified the cause of the depression. And if you keep working at that then you have the best chance of coming through the other side to a healthier state of mind. Councillor's can be great sounding boards, but that's all, though. The answer always lies inside you, and you already know what it is. The hard part is beating those defence mechanisms we build up, than can obscure the answer from our conscious minds. And serious self-examination is the only way you can get past that.

As some of the people who know me best on this site already know, some years back I came as close to a total break down as I hope I ever will. Total self-destruction. Hurting anyone who was close to me, pushing everyone away, dropping out of Uni (twice) and just hating everything and everyone. Because, in truth, I hated myself. I came through. Still here, and still with many friends who stuck with me through those times. For which I am eternally grateful. I didn't take medication and I didn't go to counselling because I was too far gone to ask for help. But I got lucky and friends helped me through anyway.

As for the reactions from those who should be close to you - many people really don't know how to react to depression. They blame themselves (especially family), worry if it is contagious/genetic (I kid you not), or just plump for denial. For most people the easiest way of dealing with a problem is to deny it - hence comments about faking it. And if you are like me, this only leads to self-doubt and accusing myself of over-reacting. Which just makes things worse.

But all you have to do is look at this thread to see how many people care about you. There's a wealth of friends here for you who accept you as you are and will always be there for you. And that's priceless.

Find what works for you. Never really on any option too heavily and remember that the chances are that the answer lies in you. And that you can come through this.

Lizzie: sending you lots of huggles sweetheart.. you're well thought of here, no way unintelligent and i like reading (and sometimes responding) to your posts. We're always about, and if you have MSN, feel free to add me (addy in profile) and i can listen if you want to pour your heart out or rant and rave..

Keep your chin up honey *more hugs*

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by Keenangel
you're well thought of here, no way unintelligent and i like reading (and sometimes responding) to your posts.

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Got to agree! Dont worry hun, everyone goes through the bad times and Im sure a lot of people have been where you are now. I went through a similar thing but didnt have the courage to ask for help and was miserable for like a year My friend was on anti depressents (if I had any kind of memory I'd tell you what they were!) and they helped her out of exactly how you're feeling now!

If you ever need to chat you can talk to me on msn if you like (dont know how helpful I'd be but if you ever need a chat I'll be there!)

P.S mock results are nearly always cack so dont worry!

xxxx

My sister's been on Prozac for PND for the last 2 years. They seem to suit her fine and are helping her get through the pretty traumatic experience of bringing up twin boys! My only worry is the dependency side of things - she's tried several times to come off them, but became so depressed, to the point where the children were starting to suffer, she went back on them after a matter of days. I don't really know the solution, but my view is that if they're not harming you physically (although I guess noone really knows what they do in the long run) and are helping you lead a normal life psychologically, then being on anti-depressants is the slightly better choice.
Lizzie, sending you *big hugs* and I hope it helps to know that you are far from alone.

Lizzy - *hugs* honey.. so sorry to hear youre feeling crappy.

But, if you feel like you have nothing else then you *know* we are here to help you get by. Its hard to believe in yourself, especially when how acceptable you are seems to be judged on either how clever/cute/popular you are rather than what a great gal you are (and you are)!

From personal experience, I've been through some hellish things in the last few years, and I can *honestly* say the friends I've met online are some of the best friends I have. They don't judge me on how I look or what other people tell them about me, they don't gang up on me because the rest of the people in the group do. Its nice to know thatthe friends here are your friends because they like you for who you are not because they fancy your brother or some other stupid random reason.

I'm pretty sure you have friends at home/school who love you to bits and are worried about you - even if they seem not to show it. So don't forget about them!

About anti-depressants - While I was working as a counsellor, some of my clients were on prescribed anti-deps and I've seen them work very well and I've seen them not work at all. I don't think they work for everyone. It very much depends on exactly what's going on in there! If they work for you thats great, but be careful and don't ever forget that they are a temporary measure! On the other hand, if you find they don't work, don't be too disheartened.

*hugs* hope you're feeling happier soon.

I was on prozac for about 2 years. to be honest, i can't really say if it helped or not, because i was having counselling and also moved back to my home town to help counter the depression at the same time. i think these other two things helped more than prozac as they were positive life-changing things i could do, but then the prozac may have given me the strength to do these things (esp the moving) and to see things more clearly. but i think it was really just a crutch to give me the strength to make the changes i needed in my life, and it was those changes that made me better, not the drug. one of the worst things about the depression was that i felt i had no control over my life or emotions, and that uncertainty and lack of control was very scary.
obviously whatever anti-depressants you take, if you don't do anything else, then the depression will still be there when you stop taking them, and you can't stay on the drugs forever. but i just want to say that, even though my depression gave me the worst time of my life, i am now recovered and am much stronger now for having gone through that experience. (apologies if i'm sounding a bit oprah-like here!) i now know that if i can beat that, then i can face an awful lot. i'm now back to my old self (even though i vividly remember a time when i never believed i could feel anything other than depressed) only stronger and much more aware of myself and my state of mind.
so big *hugs* to everyone out there feeling depressed/down/unhappy/etc. i know that i can only talk about my own experience, but even though you may not be able to see and end to it at the moment, or believe that it will ever end, i'm sure that it will. hang on to that - you're probably an awful lot stronger than you think. (that was hugely oprah - sorry )

I made a serious error last September some 15 months ago, I tried to deal with something alone, did not get help and fell apart. Councillig and possibly medication would have helped me not have to deal with so much now, as being in a bad way for 12 months is really difficult.

I think I was Ok for no more than a few days at a time normally when around lots of people, but I know that even at conventions I was often totally out of it and down. People who knew me, some who had known me for years were trying to help, but I was tryin to avoid just breaking down and crying over the slightest thing.

When I fell apart my memory collapsed along with lots of other things, I thought the main cause of the problem was not being able to survive outside of a University Environment and made sure that I was getting back into a university environment as soon as possible, 12 months later.

When I arrived though I was so scarred by the previous 12 months and failed to bounce back as expected, made it very hard to meet people as all I want to do is go out everynight to clubs etc, but was feeling alone and isolated, scared of people around and was unable to think about anything but some stuff that happened a very long time ago and how down I was.

That is not the best way to meet people. Also things got worse as I kept on being given responsibility after having gone through uni as both Student and Staff before people thought I would be ideal to be there for new students (a more mature stable person) so I kept on being given hall responsibilty when I for the most part just felt trapped and ended up drunk alone and crying in my room. If anything am in an emotionally worse state than many of the 18 year old students that I have been told to watch out for.

Now I have regular councilling kind of dealing with every issue that built up in my life and I never dealt with, just tried to bury and ignore as one of those things before, also am for the first time getting help for dyslexia (learning study skills whilst doing a masters degree seems a bit crazy).

Now I am starting to wonder why I did things like burn my arms with a lighter which is what I was doing 12 months ago as a relationship collapsed, but that probably just makes me sound crazy.
If the anti-deprssents help then take them

I hope you get through it ok.

this thread wasn't dead, it was just feeling really, really down... (very poor, sorry)

I got put on Seroxat yesterday, for anxiety and stress and panic attacks more than its anti-depressant effects. For more than a couple of months now i've been a different person, i get scared of everything. I am going to get counselling but the first appointment they could offer me was the end of january.

I've been off work previously and tried to cope, but things came to a head this week when i was to scared of leaving the house and Dan to get to edinburgh to see my folks. I've been signed off for 4 weeks to let the pills take effect.

Its a big relief, i've been afraid of going back onto day shifts on monday for about 2 weeks now, i just don't seem able to deal with being responsible for anything. Stuff i could just do 3 months ago is impossible and i don't know why it changed.

I actually came offline for a while recently, and only started browsing again with the T-party stuff. Been feeling up to posting a bit more the last couple days, and may well do more now i'm off. Not been up to being sociable for a while, but i'm going to try to be around more as i like it here. Not seen a lot of you for much too long, so here's to the t-party and me being myself again to enjoy it

I hope all of you guys are feeling as good as you can

Sad to hear you feeling that way Watcher Girl, you've always struck me as very confident when I've met you.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

just looking through, and this topic seemed paticularly relevant to me at the moment. this might be a long post!

i posted a topic way back the year before last, about being prescribed prozac due to having problems in university
i never wanted to take them, and i never did, i wanted to sort it through by myself.
the problem is, since i left uni last february, the effects of the negative experience i had there, have been with me ever since. It's effected me in ways i never even imagined it would
I recognise that i've made acheivements and moved on in some ways (getting into uni, starting uni again, getting a job etc) but this has actually been a bad thing, as instead of getting any treatment for my depression and low self-esteem, i could forget about it for weeks, and even months at a time, so i thought i was ok.
Every now and again, something would happen and it'd trigger all these feelings off, and i'd say i was going to do something, but i never did.

I finally decided to do something a few weeks ago, and despite it being the most nerve wracking thing ever, i approached my uni tutor (and since, my parents) and told her about my feelings, and i've since started seeing a counsellor....i do feel this is a step in the right direction, and that i am slowly making small improvements in the way i feel and think about other people who previously i let bother me, but i want more to do!
My boyfriend is finding it hard to cope with and i felt i wasn't getting the help and encouragement i needed right now, so i've done something i never would have imagined i'd have the balls to do, and asked him to think if he's going to be able to stick with me for the long-haul, and give me consistent support and positivity and if not, whatever! i'd rather know sooner than later as i need to get on with things! I don't have a choice! i have to do this, with or without him.

I know it's going to be a hard journey, and i'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on coping with this type of thing....just small suggestions, things i can do perhaps?
i mean, i've decided i want to take up a new hobby, as i can hopefully have fun, and the achievement of becoming good at something will really help my confidence. I feel positive about that.
I've also thought about making a diary just for my personal acheivements, things i'm proud of myself for, even just small things that happen on a daily basis...
I'm willing to try anything and everything before i start to take anti-depressants, but i have become more open to the idea, i just want to check out all the other options first!
I just REALLY want to get better, and get over this horrible illness

Hi there Here's hoping I can be of some help...

Bit of a long story, but I've been on Prozac since I was 14 and in and out of conselling since I was 5 (although I've been out of it for about 4 years..I'm 21 now), lots of stuff happened to me and I had a hell of a lot to cope with from a young age. I suppose in a way I was lucky in that I didn't have a choice about going into conselling cos I was so small. I was referred as I was having rather major 'temper tantrums' at school that turned out to be temporal lobe epliepsy (took them til I was 8 to work it out though :rolleyes, but I am now off the medication for that and getting on well with my Prozac.

Now several people have suggested to me that I should have come off them by now, and I've sometimes worried that I am becoming too dependent on them. However, last term at uni I went through a long patch when I felt fine nad os 'forgot' to take my medicataction. Needless to say I had one massive relapse leading to my housemate having to stop me punching walls and frog marching me to the GP *oops*. They are not for everyone and it completely depends on you as a person - they are my safety net that keep me on an even keel, and I'm happy with that .

Onto the actual point of your post...I think you have done the best thing you possibly could for your situation. It takes a lot to admit that you need help, and that is often the most difficult thing for people. Counselling takes time and can be painful and confusing at times, but I can garauntee that things will get better. As for small things to help, try not to be inside of alone too much, although that might well seem like the best thing for you. Make sure you have a good network of support around you. As for you boyfriend, mine found it very difficult and still does to a certain extent. Just remind him that although there is nothing he can do in terms of a 'quick fix', him being there, even if it just a hug, is just as valuable. Reassure him that he doesn't have to necessarily understand what is going on inside your head, as long as he is supportive in some way, then he is helping.

Self esteem takes time, and it to be honest it took going to uni to make me feel better about myself. At the end of the day, I came to the conclusion that going away to uni was a way sticking two fingers up at the world that had made things so crappy for me - the fact that I have survived away from home and my support network has made me feel a lot stronger and confident in myself. A diary of personal achievements sounds like a great idea - make sure you have a mate to constantly pester you telling you how great you are as well

I hope my waffle has been of some help - if you fancy a chat or anything, please feel free to email or add me to msn (addy in profile).

Hugs and Good Luck You can beat this.

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by Spitefulangel
I know it's going to be a hard journey, and i'm just wondering if anyone has any tips on coping with this type of thing....just small suggestions, things i can do perhaps?

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/Me looks around at the "Ship of the Damned" he's floating on. I'm probably not the best person for advice as i'm having a lot of my own troubles at the moment.

While not particularly inspiring i've found that a sort of gritty determination to stick two fingers in the face of whatever crap the world throws at you is all I can do to avoid going completely and utterly mad. If I lost that I think I would have topped myself long ago.

A new hobby as you mention could be the ticket though, for one it can often be a great way of meeting new people. It's amazing how meeting a new group of friends can be a turning point in your life too.

I'm hoping that i'm on the cusp of one of those turning points as right now i'm in no mans land. Hope you get better soon, and really - I say just take the drugs if things get too bad. I've beaten myself up for years and been resolute in not taking anti-depressants and i'm at the end of my tether with it now. I'm at the point where I feel I need both therapy and drugs to work through things.

As everyone on my journal knows, I was put on Zispin about 3 weeks ago. I upgraded my depression to Anxiety Clinical Depression from just normal depression. I suffer from panic attacks. The medication made me feel physically and emotionally worse. I've now swapped back to my old medication.

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by Spitefulangel
My boyfriend is finding it hard to cope with and i felt i wasn't getting the help and encouragement i needed right now, so i've done something i never would have imagined i'd have the balls to do, and asked him to think if he's going to be able to stick with me for the long-haul, and give me consistent support and positivity and if not, whatever! i'd rather know sooner than later as i need to get on with things! I don't have a choice! i have to do this, with or without him.

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I'm really glad you've said that, one of my friends made the mistake of thinking that she didn't have to deal with things because her boyfriend was there and they broke up and she couldn't handle it and ended up trying to kill herself, once they wer broken up she got proper help and counselling and she's doing really well now. I hope he's as brave as you and is prepared to stick it out but if not it might end up better in the long run.

The first thing that should be in your diary of your achievements is how brave you are in being able to ask for help and confronting your problem. I'm sure you're going to be alright because your a brave and determined lil lady!

Lizzie - hope you're ok sweetheart and you're getting any help you need!

*Huggles and kisses for you both*

My boyfriend is finding it very hard. I don't want to be touched and if I cry I don't want to be hugged or anything. He drives me mad, I think he smothers me. Now I suffer from anxiety, I don't like going out much. I used to be very sociable but restaurants and bars are my worse nightmare.

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by lizzieslayer
Now I suffer from anxiety, I don't like going out much. I used to be very sociable but restaurants and bars are my worse nightmare.

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I'm getting better compared to what I was.

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by Teresa
(quotes)

I'm getting better compared to what I was.

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Panic attacks are bloody scary. I thought I was gonna die!

I know so many people who are going through these sort of symptoms at the moment (myself included) it's just scary. Yes Panic Attacks are pretty poo.

*group hug*

[quote]by Eve


The first thing that should be in your diary of your achievements is how brave you are in being able to ask for help and confronting your problem. I'm sure you're going to be alright because your a brave and determined lil lady!
[/quote

thankyou for saying that, you made me very happy, coz finally i really realised, i am brave and determined, and i will do this, and thats really overwhelming.

On the subject of my boyfriend, he's decided he can't handle being with me through this. I thought i was ok with it, but i guess i just feel really let down...i thought he was the one person, who would always be there with me, together, no matter how hard things got....
He says he wants to support me as a friend, but i still feel like he's giving up. I don't know why he doesn't want to fight this with me...it really hurts.
i know i can do it without him, but i don't understand why i should have to. i want his love and support.
I'm just so sad right now, i was feeling really positive about everything earlier today and when i went to bed last night, but i just hurt so much inside now. I don't know how to stop crying