WANTED: For possible lifetime contract, a woman for permanent employment as wife.


The applicant must be attractive, with strong constitution, good teeth and temper, and prepared to work with efficiency and flair at lovemaking, child rearing, sewing, cooking, housecleaning and interior decorating.


A good working knowledge of child and adult psychology, basic nursing, home repairs and a driving licence are also required. A degree in home economics is not essential but would be useful.


There will be a few additional duties such as all family letter writing, sending of Christmas Cards, Birthday Cards and purchasing of appropriate gifts for such occasions. The applicant must also be capable of educating the children in table manners and social behaviour plus scholastic coaching as required.


A good memory is a must, in order that all calves, breeding dates, dates of sales and previous yearÂ’s records can be produced at a moments notice. All expense bills must be removed from pants pockets or top of dresser and properly filed for income tax purposes.


The applicant must take care of all childrenÂ’s dental and vaccination appointments as well as possess a highly developed ESP in order to know when to have meals ready and for how many. She must be able to drive machinery and assist with calf pulling and scours treatment.


Hours are flexible, but will normally be from 6am to 10pm: 7 days per week - although these hours may be extended upon demand. However, the 7 days per week will not be extended.


Holidays will be granted each year but the household duties and care of children must be carried on during leisure time, as long as regular duties are not neglected such as gardening, bottling or lawn mowing.


Housekeeping allowance will vary according to income. This depends a great deal on the weather, markets, etc. There will be no salary, sick leave, social security or pension plan attached to this position. Room, bed and food will be provided free, so long as incumbent cleans the room, shares the bed and cooks the food. The employer has the privilege of terminating this employment at any time should better prospects appear on the horizon.


Applicants must have a good sense of humour, and be able to distinguish between nagging (her complaints) and constructive criticisms (employerÂ’s complaints). Once accepted the successful applicant must be able to produce a notarised certificate of sanity issued by a qualified psychiatrist so that she may not later plea she must have been out of her mind when taking the position.