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Congratulations on taking that first step towards the rest of your life... I sincerely wish you the very best of luck 
Posted: 12:22 May 14 2004
Face to the enemy
I suspect only Alan will understand the reference in the title of this thread, but it seemed appropriate.
For the past 6 years I have felt unable to cope with my life, it's not that I want to die, it's just that I don't wish to lead the life I live. I have spent my life full of rage and hatred, but more importantly, fearful of being alone. Through my life I have gone through manic depression, a nervous breakdown, an attemptive suicide, alchoholism and recently extensive abuse of cannabis, ecstacy, speed, acid and cocaine. I've screwed up my college course and in a far worse act pushed away the one person who has shown me happiness in life, made me feel comfortable with who I am, because that was good enough for her. I've thrown away true love and complete trust by hiding from my problems, from who I am. Well today I finally did something right, I went to see my G.P and volunteered myself into counseling and rehab. Now I will finally face to my enemy - me.
To the ones who know me personally, if you read this before I get a chance to speak to you I am sorry you had to find out this way, it's just I'm sick of lying and betraying the people I know, the ones I car for and love, the ones who love me, my friends.
I can only hope that with this insight into me, though this is by no means everything, you can still accept me, forgive me for my betrayal of you.
I would end this post with a line from a song:
For the past 6 years I have felt unable to cope with my life, it's not that I want to die, it's just that I don't wish to lead the life I live. I have spent my life full of rage and hatred, but more importantly, fearful of being alone. Through my life I have gone through manic depression, a nervous breakdown, an attemptive suicide, alchoholism and recently extensive abuse of cannabis, ecstacy, speed, acid and cocaine. I've screwed up my college course and in a far worse act pushed away the one person who has shown me happiness in life, made me feel comfortable with who I am, because that was good enough for her. I've thrown away true love and complete trust by hiding from my problems, from who I am. Well today I finally did something right, I went to see my G.P and volunteered myself into counseling and rehab. Now I will finally face to my enemy - me.
To the ones who know me personally, if you read this before I get a chance to speak to you I am sorry you had to find out this way, it's just I'm sick of lying and betraying the people I know, the ones I car for and love, the ones who love me, my friends.
I can only hope that with this insight into me, though this is by no means everything, you can still accept me, forgive me for my betrayal of you.
I would end this post with a line from a song:
For all my friends, I hope I can repay my debt to you, for Hayley, I only hope you can forgive me.
Teach me passion for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to ones who love me
I'm sorry
Time will tell - (this bitter farewell)
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
14 Replies and 1666 Views in Total.
Posted: 12:22 May 14 2004 
I really hope that you find your way back to the life you want to live. You can be proud of the steps you have taken as not everyone has the strength to face their fears especially if what you fear is yourself.
I wish you the best of friends to help, guide and support you on your hard journey.
I wish you the best of friends to help, guide and support you on your hard journey.
Posted: 12:30 May 14 2004 
It takes a lot of guts to make that sort of post. I hope everything turns out just fine for you
Posted: 14:23 May 14 2004 
Congratuations mate! I think you've made a great choice, and my hopes and prayers are with you. And this goes without saying, but I don't think an apology is needeed, but it's accepted all the same.
And IMHO, it took one hell of a lot of guts coming forward like this, something I probably couldn't do. Nice one.
*offers hand to shake and hugs*
Tho' I must admit, your suspicions are wrong; I don't get it! (the thread title, that is)
Slightly off-topic, but I love the quote! Doubt anyone else'll get it though; you might have to explain where you got it from... oh, and "Grrr, old woman!!"
(Edited by Alan 14/05/2004 17:25)
And IMHO, it took one hell of a lot of guts coming forward like this, something I probably couldn't do. Nice one.
*offers hand to shake and hugs*
Tho' I must admit, your suspicions are wrong; I don't get it! (the thread title, that is)
Slightly off-topic, but I love the quote! Doubt anyone else'll get it though; you might have to explain where you got it from... oh, and "Grrr, old woman!!"
(Edited by Alan 14/05/2004 17:25)
Posted: 17:21 May 14 2004
Thankyou all so very much for your support, I only wish we were talking in person so I could hug you all, unfortunately virtual ones are the best that can be done so *hugs* for all of you and *tears* from me. Alan, the song title is a reference to the works of Frank Klepaki, my problems may not be on the scale of the Soviets but it sure feels like it.
Posted: 18:50 May 14 2004
As always, don't mention it!
Posted: 19:04 May 14 2004 
Although we've never met, I would like to wish you all the best for your future. What you've done so far is a huge step to take, so if you can just keep going along the same route then I'm sure you'll be fine. It sounds like you have some good friends who'll be there for you, and there's plenty of people on here to offer you support when you need it.
So basically, good luck and *hugs* to you.
So basically, good luck and *hugs* to you.
Posted: 01:16 May 15 2004 
*pats on back* and wishes you huge hugs and success is moving forward and leaving the past behind you.
Hope you find your way and if you need any support there's plenty of people willing to listen
Hope you find your way
and if you need any support there's plenty of people willing to listen
Posted: 11:05 May 15 2004 
Wowzer, that took some serious guts!
Acknowledging the problem is half the battle chap, so you're well on the way already
I think I can say on behalf of all the T21 Staff that we feel honoured that you feel you can share something like this with us, and as others have said, there are always people here to listen if you need it
Acknowledging the problem is half the battle chap, so you're well on the way already
I think I can say on behalf of all the T21 Staff that we feel honoured that you feel you can share something like this with us, and as others have said, there are always people here to listen if you need it
Posted: 16:25 May 15 2004
You've taken an important first step in voluntarily seeking help.
It's not an easy road and I'm sure you know that there will be temptations and pitfalls aplenty in the time to come.
I hope you will continue lean on friends here and in "real life" to support you.
Best of luck
It's not an easy road and I'm sure you know that there will be temptations and pitfalls aplenty in the time to come.
I hope you will continue lean on friends here and in "real life" to support you.
Best of luck
Posted: 17:37 May 15 2004
Once again thankyou, seeing your words here has been a great help. Ater the night I've just had I've just had I needed the comfort.
Posted: 05:15 May 16 2004
Just a little update from me, I've come off the drugs with remarkably little trouble, though I now have to make sure I don't get over-confident. Also at some point about a week ago something, I don't know what, clicked inside my head, I no longer fear waking up but welcome it, instead of feeling like my life is hell (as I have been doing for these past 6 years), I feel like it is worth living. This is largely due to one person, Hayley, I've managed to re-build our freindship to the point where it is stronger than it has ever been, where our relationship will go remains to be seen, that is something I can only dream of at this time but as long as things don't break down again I'm happy. Once again thankyou for your support in what was the darkest time of my life.
(Edited by Phoenix - Aeon 24/05/2004 21:44)
(Edited by Phoenix - Aeon 24/05/2004 21:44)
Posted: 21:43 May 24 2004
Go you! 
Posted: 16:39 May 25 2004