Mostly these days I do.

I didn't always: when I was younger I had a lot of periods of depression and very low self-esteem and some of the things I did then make me think I must have really hated myself deep down I always felt that I'd be happier if I was someone thinner/more popular/trendier/one of the gang, but I didn't know how to become that person...

Now, I've learnt to live with myself and come to terms with the fact that I can't change that much. There are still things I don't like so much, pretty much the same as always - my weight, my lack of friends. But I've come to accept that that's all just part of who I am. I'll never be thin, and I'm just not someone who makes friends easily, but I can cope with my flaws most of the time.

I'd say my attitude to myself is a bit like you might have towards a work colleague: sometimes they're annoying, but mostly you get along OK and have a bit of a natter, and if you or they left the company you'd probably exchange emails every now and again, but they're a long way from being your bosom buddy. So I guess there's a way to go yet.

Ish.. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, so "Ish"

Yes.

I didn't used to, when I was younger I was really hung up that I didn't have any special skills, that I wasn't brilliant at anything.

I think I'm ok now, nothing special, but I don't want to be conceited, because I'm no better than anyone else. I have skills that are unique to me, because I am unique to me!
I do try to be the best person I can be, to give time, effort, and love to people. To say thank-you and show appreciation of things that people have done for me.
To not get hung up on money and material things. To be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life

I've grown up a lot in the last 3 or 4 years, become a lot more positive in my outlook, and on the whole.. yep I like me

BTW - lovely post from SPIKE - made me go ahhhhhhhh

Sometimes...i'll come and back and edit this (again) when i can figure out what to say

(Edited by Rae 14/03/2002 16:52)

Life is like a box of chocolates...

No not reallyLots of big, big mistakes that I can't change.

Right, I've been away and thought how to put it inot words, and I'm still not sure how (can't do anything right me), but I'll have a go.

"My name's Kelly and I don't like myself"

A lot of the time I don't know why, I just don't like me. But thinking about it, there's lots of reasons why. I can come across as a nice person but inside I have my doubts, I don't think I'm that nice at all.

I'm extremely paranoid, thinking people are being nice to me and friendly but sometimes I don't think they mean it. I feel like they are because they have to but when I'm not there they say things about me. I'm frightened that the people I think are my friends aren't really.

I find it really hard to make friends because I'm too scared to speak to people mostly and think why should they want me when they've already got friends of their own?

I hate myself because I have no willpower. I'm addicted to smoking, can't handle going a day without alcohol (not a funny jokey thing, it's getting serious and I don't know how to stop) and I'm not strong enough to just stop it all.

I'm lazy and don't seem to care, even when it's pointed out to me. I never get round to things.

I get myself into trouble moneywise very easily. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs through my own stupidity and don't know what the hell to do, I think if I ignore the problem it will go away, but it doesn't and I don't even open my letters anymore because I'm too scared of what's inside (debt collectors don't seem to put logos on their envelopes)

I have no self-esteem, I'm too frightened to say what I'm thinking even to friends. I'm too scared what people think and don't say anything.

I can't stick up for myself because I can't argue properly, nothing comes out right and if I'm getting a roasting I just clam up and get close to tears

I hate me because I can't stand how I look. I hurt Graham because when I'm down I get so jealous of other girls he likes. I find it hard to accept that he likes me when there are so many gorgeous people out there and he hates it, which makes me hate myself even more.

I often wonder if anyone would miss me if I wasn't around anymore and mostly I doubt that they would. I often wish I was dead, but I can't even kill myself properly

Sorry for depressing you all

Oh Kitty (and everyone else here)

I know exactly how you feel. Your post is exactly like me. (even down to the alcohol addiction and the suicide thing. DONT TRY IT. PLEASE. been there, done that, didnt help).

All i can tell ya is what worked for me. I just woke up one day deciding i needed to change. I dont know where that came from but it did and i siezed it.

I tipped my drink away, found a diet plan i could stick to (more ot less), began to exercise etc etc.

How did i do all this? I had a mantra that i would recite over and over at night. (silently in my head. I'm not crazy!)

Sounds kookey, hell it is kookey, but it works. I can promist you that.

Find a few phrases that work for you.

Some of mine were. "I am a strong, confident woman. I do not need to drink."

"i am a strong, confident woman and i WILL exercise tomorrow"

"I am a good person and i dont deserve this." (when my ex's new gilr/f was being a bitca to me)

Basically tailor it for what demon you want to face the next day. Also, when under pressure during the day take yourself somewhere alone (usually the bathroom/ladies for me) and repeat them silently in your head for a minute. You'll be amazed at the difference it can make.

It really really works. Wont turn you inot the most popular person but it will bring your self belief back.

Hope i havent been too preachy. I dont normally tell people this mantra thing 'cos it's just plane weird but after seeing all your posts. Man, you need to stop letting life make you feel like crap.

Your wonderful people Make your self happy 'cos you cant rely on anyone else to do it for you.

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by Cat
Make your self happy 'cos you cant rely on anyone else to do it for you.

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Amen!

To be honest, If I was someone else I wouldn't want to be mates with myself. I am an underconfident person, and more of a listener than a talker. I tend to try and please everyone, and it always gets me ending up alone and upset.

I'm a happy person at times, though just not with myself. I get really stressed, I feel very unpretty, did I mention I had a really bad day today??

Reading Miss Kitty's post was a bit scary because I recognise a lot of what she says as how I see myself.

But then I stepped back a bit and realised that there are probbaly a lot of people that feel like that.

So, yeah, I often don't like myself. But, in the last couple of years, my life has changed to the extent that I now have a lot of friends wo care about me and I care about them. I have my health.

So, yeah, I like who I am

Wow.

First off, to Vix and Keenangel, that is some heavy (self-censored reference to faeces) you've had to put up with. You have my sympathy and hugs, if you want them.

And to everyone else with a downer on themselves. Especially Misskittyfantastic. Like Whistler and Cat, I heard more than a little of myself in there. I still have trouble opening letters that are not addressed in a handwriting I recognize. Yes, I know this doesn't solve anything, but it's more like a physical reaction than a conscious choice. Anything that I think may bear bad news I will sub-consciously avoid.

The drink is also familiar, although personally under control at the mo.

Finally the paranoia. There are very few people I have openly admitted this to, and it feels very weird to be doing it here, so bear with me. For most of my life, especially from adolescence onwards, I have suffered with paranoia to some degree. It hit a peak between the ages of 19 to 22. It got to the point where I literally trusted no one. Even those I would consider my closest friends I didn't trust. To be specific, I believed that I was mentally and emotionally retarded; that everyone new about it but was hiding it from me and laughing behind my back. And I mean it when I say everyone: Family, friends, colleagues, the bus driver. Everyone. I even started telling everyone that I didn't care about anyone but myself, and that I was only kind to other people if it suited me. That my friendship only existed if I felt I was getting something out of it. I now recognize that my reason for doing this was to push people away - to create a barrier around myself so that no one could get close enough to hurt me. And I also recognize how self-destructive that was.

I got lucky. I had some friends who, while concerned, stuck it out and helped me to turn things around. I also made some new friends and fell deeply in love with a girl called Rachel at the end of the period I mentioned, at the age of 22. Basically, I fell as far as I could go, fell in love with someone and found hope. Found that I wanted to be someone worthy of being loved back and to let go of all the mental (more self-censorship) I was carrying. Again, I was lucky that I had friends who could help me back up, especially one I've now lost contact with called Gareth.

I still get attacks. I still find it hard to drop the barriers and trust people. Partly because when I have I've been hurt (that'll be Rachel again...). But that's not the whole story. In answer to the original question - yes, I actually think I'm a pretty cool guy. But. And there's always one of those, isn't there? What I have is a hard time accepting is that other people like me. I could suggest that this is to do with the constant bullying at school, even by people who were meant to be friends of mine. I could go all Freudian and talk about the impact of my father leaving when I was 5. But I don't see the point in psychoanalysing it. Mainly because over the last decade I think I've psychoanalyzed myself to death. What matters isn't why, but what I'm going to do about it. To take people at face value. Trust them until they give you reason not to. And to stare my fears in the face and see them for what they are. Yeah, I still (s-c) up from time to time. Recently I did so to a degree that over shadows any other single act for a loooong time. I hope that person knows how sorry I am for what I did. All I can do is to try to make amends, learn from my mistakes and move on.

Basically, I agree with Cat’s philosophy, and that you can only take each day as it comes and to strive to be who you want to be, while seeing the worth in who you already are. It’s always makes more sense to address your failings and change than to take the other way out.

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by Red
(quotes)

Amen!

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Seconded. I dont what to say misskitty apart from what Cat said.

To be honest I dont care what people think of me those people are mostly sheep who follow what other people tell them is right, I know what of lot of people think of me and these days don't care.

The reasons I like/dislike myself are purely my fault and my solving so its down to me.

Hell, Random, way to tug the heart strings. It's really upset me reading some of these posts. You might not have wanted a mass hand wringing but you sure got something close.

Well no one's perfect and I suppose that most thinking people are their own worst critic - some of the worst people I've ever met are oblivious to any faults that they might have. At times I've envied them: it seems such an uncomplicated life but then sense prevails and I see it for what it is. Most of us suffer angst but it's what makes us grow as a person. I might not know most people personally but I do know that many of the people who have expressed doubts about themselves are good and kind and thoughtful - you only have to browse through the posts to see that.
Ok, serious mode over. I'm not sure I quite expressed myself as clearly as I would have liked but I'm sure you get the drift.

IÂ’ve learned... That under everyoneÂ’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
IÂ’ve learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
IÂ’ve learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.IÂ’ve learned.... That life is tough, but IÂ’m tougher.
IÂ’ve learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
IÂ’ve learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
IÂ’ve learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
IÂ’ve learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
IÂ’ve learned.... That I canÂ’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.


Some words by a gentleman called Andy Rooney. Words I read a while back, and came to realise the truth in them, and saw a way out of a very bad situation.

No, I didnt like myself then, and have days now where I still don't, but I am learning, slowly.........

I'm cool

Yes.

Sure, there are times when i get fed up with certain aspects of myself but if you're talking about the whole picture then yes, i like myself

yes espcially know that i am a daddy even more so

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by Gooner
yes espcially know that i am a daddy even more so

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Aaaah! That's lovely