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Good job i was on holiday then and not at home in Basildon, innit.
Posted: 14:25 Nov 02 2005
Essex Hurricane Appeal
Recieved this earlier today by email...... hope you think its as funny as I though it was 
A major hurricane (Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is
most sought after - items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Rockport boots
-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alcho-pop
'where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"
A major hurricane (Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."
Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is
most sought after - items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Rockport boots
-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alcho-pop
'where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?"
7 Replies and 1612 Views in Total.
by Chambler
hope you think its as funny as I though it was
I guess thats a no
by KaTiEStar
Good job i was on holiday then and not at home in Basildon, innit.
(Edited by Chambler 02/11/2005 22:03)
Posted: 22:02 Nov 02 2005 
LMFAO
Posted: 09:25 Nov 04 2005 
Suspiciously similar to this... which I received shortly after Birmingham actually WAS hit by a Tornado
Birmingham Tornado Appeal
A Tornado Hit Birmingham last week causing widespread damage. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying 'bang out of order', 'mental' and 'that did my head in'.
The Tornado decimated the area causing in excess of £7.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were destroyed. Many locals were woken before their Giro's arrived.
One resident, Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock. Little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into my bedroom crying and my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin up whilst I was watching Trisha".
The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous 'Elizabeth Duke' sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Pound Land and Argos catalogues. However they have not managed to save any furniture from Crazy George's as yet.
How can you help?
This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits (his and hers preferably), white socks, Burberry caps, woolly Benny hats and Reebok trainers.
Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain's Micro-chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland Pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White lightening Cider and Carlsberg Special Brew. Cash Donations are also needed. 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on, £2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinner, £3.00 buys a blag CD (not an original copy), £20 buys a fake M.O.T (or 10 gallons of red diesel with which to burn the vehicle out) and £26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos.
Birmingham Tornado Appeal
A Tornado Hit Birmingham last week causing widespread damage. Casualties were seen wandering aimlessly saying 'bang out of order', 'mental' and 'that did my head in'.
The Tornado decimated the area causing in excess of £7.55 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were destroyed. Many locals were woken before their Giro's arrived.
One resident, Tracey Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of four said "It was such a shock. Little Chardonnay-Leigh came running into my bedroom crying and my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin up whilst I was watching Trisha".
The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found numerous 'Elizabeth Duke' sovereigns, benefit books, bone china from Pound Land and Argos catalogues. However they have not managed to save any furniture from Crazy George's as yet.
How can you help?
This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are LaCoste tracksuits (his and hers preferably), white socks, Burberry caps, woolly Benny hats and Reebok trainers.
Food parcels are also needed. They include McCain's Micro-chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch and Iceland Pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White lightening Cider and Carlsberg Special Brew. Cash Donations are also needed. 22p buys a Bic Biro for signing on, £2.50 buys a jumbo sausage dinner, £3.00 buys a blag CD (not an original copy), £20 buys a fake M.O.T (or 10 gallons of red diesel with which to burn the vehicle out) and £26.00 buys 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos.
Posted: 18:29 Nov 04 2005 
Heheheheheh! Would have been just as funny (if not funnier) if it'd 'happened' in Darwen
Posted: 19:11 Nov 04 2005