Recently sent to me by a friend who accused me of writing it. Hah. I wish... Strange thing to conclude too, given there's a URL at the end.

USA REDEPLOYS FORCES: USS NIMITZ TO SUNNYDALE, BUFFY TO IRAQ

A senior US soldier has shocked the world by announcing that the US intends deploying fictional forces to the world's trouble spots.

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Hugo Z Hackenbush aroused gasps of horror when he announced the controversial move. "Frankly, it's about time", he added "we've held these forces in reserve for too long, wasting their time fighting vampires in Sunnydale or the Joker in Gotham City. We're immediately deploying them to areas where their perky, yet angst-ridden and undeniably cute powers can finally be used for the further good of humanity."

When pressed for details, he explained "Charlie's Angels go to Saudi Arabia, where their sassy brand of postmodern don't-hate-us-we're-beautiful smiles can do the most good. Batman and Blade should be able to pacify Afghanistan quickly. Buffy and the gang will be stationed just outside the Iraqi border, where no doubt the blond teen and her Mr Pointy will be able to wipe out the Iraqi Republican Guard in no time."

Continuing, he waxed rhapsodically "In some cases, the redeployment can be done almost transparently: for example, the aircraft carrier 'USS Enterprise' off the coast of Libya can be easily replaced with the antimatter-powered Starship 'USS Enterprise'. Although we're not sure yet whether to install Kirk or Picard in command..."

When faced with objections that this would leave the US without its most needed and implausible defenders, Hackenbush stated that "Well, obviously, we'll have to reciprocate. We'll put Guiliani in charge of Gotham City,
every vampire, bugaboo, wraith and inter-dimensional timerip in Sunnydale will be obliterated by a single BU-80 freefall thermonuclear weapon, and every Klingon on Earth will be arrested and contained in Guantanamo Bay by the Marines."

He then added "Er, that's the real Marines, not the ones in "Aliens". They're going to Somalia. We're confident that Ripley can handle the Somali warlords with her usual lipless determination and almost-but-not-quite-lesbian grit. We're not sure about Hudson, though..."

When asked "What about Superman?", Hackenbush laughed hysterically "What? Use an overmuscled man in red tights, cape and unbelievable super-powers to solve real world problems with simplistic words and a handy death-ray? Are you utterly insane, you idiot!" before continuing "He's a Kryptonian citizen so we can't draft him: sheesh."

===========================================
Brought to you by www.thebrainstrust.co.uk
===========================================