Spoilers: end of season 4 Buffy, season 1 Angel.
Content Rating: 15
Type: Drama
Characters: Buffy, Angel, the scoobies and a little of the A-Team
Summary: The unforgivable happens to Buffy. She’s raped. Can she go back to a normal life? Can she face the creature that did this? Will she ever be the same person again? Keep reading for the answers.

Reminder - Buffy, season 4 recap – Buffy’s in college, living with Willow in the dorms, there’s no Dawn and Joyce is alive and kicking.
Angel season 1 recap – Darla’s back but not on the scene (she wont feature in this). The office was blown up and they are working from Cordies apartment. Gunn’s not a part of the team yet.

Reason's for writing:- OK, recently i've been inundated with fic's where buffy gets raped, angel beats them up and she's fine! Hello!

Anyway, i decided to show them how it's done. I’m really really nervous about this fic. I hope I’ve done the experience justice and not glossed over the horror of it. Please let me know if it’s OK or awful. If you dont tell me i cant improve.

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Chapter 1

Angel had been feeling slightly odd ever since they had returned from their latest demon hunt. It was a standard slice and dice, almost easy in comparison to some fights.

But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something had been missed or over looked. Trouble was brewing.

Angel went to get his second mug of coffee when the feeling became stronger.

“Buffy.” He whispered, turning to the kitchen doorway where he expected to find her. But she wasn’t there.

He returned to pouring his coffee. But the feeling hit him again. He turned, put his mug down and began to search the apartment for her.

“What ya doin?” asked Cordie.

“Nothing. Don’t worry.”

Then it hit him hard. Buffy in pain. She wasn’t here but she was calling to him.

“I have to go.” Said Angel as he grabbed his coat.

“What? Where?”

“Sunnydale. She needs me.”

“Wait! At least let,” the volume of her words tailed off once he was already out of the door. “Us help you.” She finished.

“What was that?” asked Wes coming in from the bathroom.

“Um, something about Buffy being in trouble I think.”

“Did you have a vision?”

“No. Angel just said she needed him and left.”


At that same moment Angel was tearing out of LA heading for Sunnydale and breaking every traffic law known to man.


Buffy stool in the doorway to her home looking at the stairs. They looked like Everest to her, an insurmountable challenge.

“One step at a time.” She thought to herself as she looked to the floor and began placing one foot in front of the other.

By the time she reached the top her mantra was ‘one step’ which she whispered over and over to herself. She feared if she stopped saying it she would loose the plot completely.

“One step, one step, one step, one step, one step, one step, one step, one step,”

She entered the bathroom and turned the hot tap on the shower on. Normally after slaying a bath would sooth her better but not tonight. She couldn’t sit in what would be ‘dirty’ water.

“One step, one step, one step.”

Buffy took the remainder of her clothes off and climbed into the shower. There was no cold water in the mix but Buffy didn’t care. She sat down and drew her legs up to her chest, the water flowed over her body.

Once in the water, her intended destination, her words trailed off. She didn’t need them any more but in their place came something horrific. The memories of tonight.

Without her mantra to protect her, the images came flooding back and Buffy cried, huge sobs which wracked her small body.

Soon her skin was red from the heat in the water. Thankfully it wasn’t scolding in the summer’s house or she would have had serious burns. Buffy wouldn’t have cared though. She liked the pain. It was a cleansing pain. A pain that diminished her earlier pain.